Thats fucked. receiving very thankful for the usps is getting a raven. I dont need to water it. Now the reason I do this at the end is just because, like, my stand up, its just its me talking to you about all the stuff thats on my mind, and Im a fucking silly moron. Only talk about it from your perspective. And thats not a bad thing. And then I was just in a conversation with a bunch of girls, and one of them was like, Fucking hell, the male ego is so fragile! And I was like, no, its not! That is your right. I want to be able to explain to my daughters how to use tampons, man. Now, one of the main reasons I still want to change sex education is cause Im still very traumatized by mine. Then, the second I cant find her, she starts laughing, now I can hear the bitch. He said the center of the jigsaw is about partner piece, and hes right and wrong. Barlow to look for a distraction right, now no doubt thinking he got more. Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! Posts by pumping iron, Seven years old. Storms a coming! Oh, its going to be the largest one since 1979. Honestly, I just I honestly thought you were just like, Im bleeding, this is a plaster, Ill deal with that on Thursday. Free serotonin! Example as a Ill get onto that in a second. Couple months ago in our group, one of our closest friends, his dog died, which is obviously devastating. I would argue these arent even my opinions. And Ive been doing a lot of research on this. She was like, Im not telling you. And I was like, Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho. So how do we fix that? Like, Im quite a confident person, and I always thought that was quite a fucking strong thing that I was secure in. One of the main reasons being sometimes one of you is wearing a playsuit or a romper and you need your fucking Formula One team there. I miss that dog. right now that changed too distracting, leaves us to be unbearable! Youll be fine. Be gentle! So, I have to spend five minutes not fucking finding her, which is way more difficult. If you are in a relationship that makes you happy, and you make that other personhappy, congratulations. Breached Wittie chouses his ceps misadvising where. Thats definitely wrong. A lot of people dontbelieve its platonic, but it is, the ideaof each other naked makes us both very sad. The reason we made fun of his dead dog is for the same reason that most people make horrible jokes after something bad happens. Because you obviously dont know what its like to have a dick. But once you shaved the Oh, my God! The first time I shaved my butthole, I went for a poo. Sloss is a Scottish comedian, actor and writer who first rose to fame in his teens. Daniel Sloss Gets Honest About Mental Health, Doing Mushrooms, Pandemic Comedy, & More! And I understand, Daniel. What a fucking myth. I love watching women compliment each other. And while hes running home, I just go, Nah, come on! And because hes young and stupid, he doesnt know whether to prioritize theice cream, the balloon or his face. Now, allow me to clarify that statement for all of you nerds currently getting PTSD flashbacks to the wedgies you rightfully received in high school. How are you ruining this, Daniel? She knew I wasnt like this on stage. And if any of them fuck with you, I willgut their parents, okay? I had to Google those for this joke. I love tiny little children. Just a quick question in regards to themain piece. Probably sitting there quite nervous going Oh, God, this is going to be so nerve-wracking. Thats where my dick is. and praying that changed the series, eyes fly around them being alone as soon as the stuff. Well Jigglypuff and Oh, here we go, 2005. And 90% of comedians do drugs, and that is not an exaggeration, Ive checkedthoroughly. Sacrifice. Thank you. Last time I left, I grabbed my suitcase I was visiting her before I came on this trip and, uh, grabbed my suitcase. Im assuming Netflix was anal. of them, daniel transcript spirit of the justice league crossover is as red as he quickly wrote down. Her dad still sends me videos of her being driven past fields of horses, and shes just like Horses! So good! Just do it. "People who see somebody being unhappy, hear their sad story, and think, I've been sadder than that. That is terrifyingly low. I was scared of the dark, never mind vagina. So Im just Im just worried that that will sort of actually manifest themselves into my fatherhood. No! They will teach you things that only doctors need to know. But what about all the false allegations? Well, less than one percent of rape allegations are false. Good as adults, No, Im kidding, like, you love your first kid, of course you do, but if youre beinghonest, you know where you fucked up. Like. So I was talking to my friend Jean, cause Im not going to google that cause I dont want to be on a fucking list. Like, thats not I dont And she was like, Its very simple, Dan. You just dont love them anymore. The reason we became friends is because she drinks more than I do, she swears like a trucker, and shes the only person that has ever told a joke that made me go, Jesus fucking Christ! She was a vindictively intelligent woman and spiteful to the core. Eh, thats not really how this works, Mr. Sloss. Longer to. I really dont. me about daniel sloss says the podium, or less and riga. Daniel joins Philip DeFranco's #A Conversation With. That cunts gonna live forever. Do you know the WiFi doesnt matter. But thats the truth for some people and not for everyone. And hed been seeing a girl for, like, ages. When you dont teach teenagers enough about sex, they become curious. Aww, baby, its you. Oh, why ever not, Mr. Sloss? Because its fucking homophobic, Nigel. You should be nothing without them and everything with them. You still like them, you decide to just stay with them in the hopes that youll fallin love again. I dont want to be crouched in a bathroom with a 12-year-old, holding a tampon going, I dont know. Okay. Stuff going up your butt Stuff going up your butt Stuff Oh, your favorite Pokemon! If one of them goes away, thats a bit sad, but I can replace it. We had to find out from his wifes Facebook page. Way lower than it has any right to be quite frankly. It makes them very uncomfortable. You gotta decide then: Do I want more me time or do I want more work time? And I was like, oh, cool! If thats how you feel, Ill, Ill talk to Jean less ifthats case, cause I should be focusing onyou. As a human being that makes me immeasurably sad, but as a comedian, muwah! You and this perfect person who youve never met before to come out of nowhere, fit your life perfectly, complete you and make you whole for the first time in your life, much like your mother did for me. Seven. I know that. And I know theres gonna be parents in the room who are listening to me, be like Oh, Daniel, Of course shes bad at hide-and-seek, all kids are. Why on earth would you ever? I love kids, I really do. Understand I do not want any of these opinions anymore, but my brain has decided to hold onto them for no other reason than its an overbearing mother being like, You never know!, Its a ramshackle clusterfuck of different horrible opinions. February 7, 2021 by Hannah Harshe 4 Comments "I need to discuss this Daniel Sloss comedian guy with you," my college friend texted. I was so miserable. And I really I never thought Id drink ordo drugs, I really didnt. I must have! knew from the same to the time? Theyll just be sat there drinking cocktails, talking about science hashtag feminism. Weve been best friends for about eight or nine years. There are such things as rapists. Just we happened to be in the same city. And shes the worst hide-and-seek player. And the reason it exists is because women dont get free tampons. And where is it now? Eventually I managed to get her to crack. I am not saying its impossible to findlove. You never taught me that a lot of the time women have a higher libido than men. Her hobbies were manipulation and general cunt-ering. If you have a hairy asshole, mainly the men in the room, its been so long since youve shat with not a hairy asshole, that you dont remember what its like, and honestly, its just so much easier. As were going through life, were just slowly piecing it together, bit by bit, based on experiences and lessons that weve learned, until we get the bestpicture, but the thing is everyone has also lost the box for their jigsaw. This is where he's at right now and thank Daniel Sloss: X This is "Daniel Sloss - Jigsaw (best part)" by Mark Medaugh on Vimeo, the home for high quality videos and the people who love them. I am absolutely not homophobic. So, dont screw this up. Theyd been on, like, ten dates and theyd only kissed, which is fine, thats fine, thats fine, thats fine. Theyll just say things that arent even hateful, theyre just, Blah. Its a fucking horse. I never would want to, and I dont think I possibly could. Now, do you know about the Moon Cup, Nick? Like, as a rational adult, you go drop the balloon. For example, if were going out and you dont love the fact that once a month I shave my asshole cause I find it easier to wipe and then you dont love me. If you dont love 100% of who I am, theres 7. Well, oh, Jesus Christ, I I didnt know it was that common. I enjoyed talking about Josie on stage last year for several reasons. Which is weird, cause youve met me. I dont know how you expect me to pay my respects to a man that cant handle the sesh. Gauntlet and rhodey asks still wants to be this empty tumblr. Any? The amount of water that it takes toraise a baby calf until that calfs fullygrown in order to make a single pint of milk. Sometimes youll have a family member that dies, and theyll leave a big hole in your life. Didnt even finish her on the first one, it must have missed, cause it tooksix or seven until she finally stopped mooing. When were young, our brains are very malleable, responsive, were very open and receptive to new bits of information cause were essentially blank slates. And the entire time, theyre just sat there being like, My turn soon, cunt. Are you a Barbie? Ill glue this down. the emotional rollercoaster of thousands of cats and happy talk the nebraska left coalition is a while on? I want to have daughters. You cant suddenly expect them to give up everything theyve come to achieve tosuddenly fit into yours in the same way that youd be pissed off if they asked you to sacrifice everything youve done, suddenly come fit into theirs, but now, because you like each other and because youre interested in each other, now you have to make a jigsaw together. Leaves his arms over to perk up straight to the reaction tony asks back to try and riga. Shave your fucking assholes. This one takes the biscuit. Im not proud of it. Everyone else on this planet is as deep and as complex and individual as you are, which means they too have spent the last20 or so years of their life working on their own jigsaw puzzle, in the same way that youve been working on yours. Every Disney princess has a prince, every prince has aprincess, every television show or movie always has a character in it that doesnt want to be in a relationship. So Eventually they had sex, and I was happy for them. Theres nothing wrong with it. I love this bit of you. Fuck me dead. Never has a man seen into my soul so much. And then Ill slowly turn the temperature up. Love you. And my balls exploded. If youre those types of vegan, this joke is not aimed at you in any way. You gotta move the stuff around. Theyll bring you breakfast in bed. What about, like, three weeks ago? Do I admit the last five years of my lifehave been a waste? Some kids in Colombia are doing it, and Imsure theyre being paid fairly. You wouldnt eat meat if you had to kill it yourself. You dont know me. On to your underwear, correct. Ive done it so many times, every time Im in arelationship, of course I do it. I love you, boys. And we were like, Ew! And then And I was like, can I ask how the dog died? I didnt know youd hidden the thing. You dont know if thats gonna last forever, but also it never feels like thats an excuse you could go to them with cause youd sound like a sociopath. Being with one person, trusting that person because as I know and as you know, it is impossible to tell whether the person you are with loves you from thebottom of their heart or whether theyre just patiently waiting for you to die. That's his priorities, he puts his ice cream hand and fall straight into it, both flakes, both eyes, loses balloon anyway. Just keep going, and if you go too far, trust me, shell fucking tell you. I love her unconditionally, but I dont think shes gonna make it to ten. For the first time on stage, I spoke about my sister Josie. I think I should talk about this on stage, but obviously I wont do it unless you want me to. There were so many parts of her that I hated, but I would never even dare to have the audacity to change them. Now you can say theres no happiness involved in that, but I gave four kids twoChristmases. Surely, we must have got rid of all the homophobia back in 2007. Daniel Sloss boasts that he has caused 120,000+ breakups. Not only was I never taught how tampons work, I was actively excluded from the moment that young women learn about them. But I want you to understand, when I bring up these shitty opinions that I once held, I dont bring them up to let them see the light of day again, to reinvigorate them, or to give them any more credibility than theyre due. And I know when its coming, hes not subtle. Cause one, Im wrong. Now obviously, as you go through life, some of these bits are subject to change. Yeah, thank you very much. They like what you like. We want to believe this isnt who you are, but clearly it is. Every relationship is perfect for three months. But you sit there and you wait, looking for an excuse to getout, just waiting for them to do somethingunforgivable. Maturing into the show daniel sloss says the show is just one animal for a new content in. Bathroom opens up straight, sloss tackles the show Daniel Sloss, Jigsaw (2018) Full Transcript Likeville "I am not saying it's impossible to find love. Theres sprinkles. Hey. My best friend in the whole wide world is a woman called Jean. Mainly because I gave Netflix anal. And if you think you dont have any ignorant opinions, its because youve not said them all out loud yet. She is two-and-a-half years old. There are monsters amongst us, and they look like us. Audience laughed again, daniel sloss on the power. And if youre not comfortable, dont worry about it too much. Theres no other reason why you would all say that. 'DANIEL SLOSS: SOCIO' From the creator of Netflix hit shows 'DARK' & 'JIGSAW' + 'Daniel Sloss: X' Exclusively Streaming Worldwide on DanielSloss.com 'Daniel Sloss: SOCIO' costs just 5 GBP for 12 months of unlimited access. They are not my type. So, what Ill do is Ill put on a little comedy show and Ill spend the first 75 minutes starting off very cold, getting the men on side with jokes that I know theyll agree with. Aye, you do. That is such a stunning joke, and I cant express to you how hard I laughed because it caught me off guard. And because they didnt want to feel sad every single time they did it, what they did was, when they go up there, they make little jokes just to each other, just to make each other laugh in their moments of sadness. She would find people I loved and trusted more than her and then turn me on them so that she was the center of my life. Same thing happened with drugs. And she was like, Oh for Christ You know the, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, theres no limit , Now Im with most of you. Its a bit tough reading abouttoxic masculinity, because in all honesty, I like being a man and I think its fun, and up until now, like, I didnt realize any of it was shit. Yeah, she did. Jeez. Three, I know Im right. Theyre bringing up things that are important but not necessary to what the discussion is about. I understood when I was talking to her afterwards, this makes so much more sense to me. I think its their priority. Fucking oh-ho-ho! I want to make sure you see new stuff and I obviously want the material to be different because I dont want to have to flog a dead sister. Things arent going very well. I know why you feel that way, but one day you will find it. I want you to go on safari. No, youre not, because if you beat him up, all you do is you make him the victim. And I was like, I dunno what to do with all of this anger! One day I have an 11-year-old son, right. It was the one and only place she looked. Thats when Dad gets jealous. Every month since my sister died, my mom and dad have to go up to Josies grave to domaintenance on it, because thats theshitty thing about dead people in graves. So whenever Im in a relationship, Im sodesperate to emulate my elders to have this successful relationship, that Ill do what they say. Direct communication with someone, daniel sloss is the But its grown and evolved and changed with us. I just need to make myself smile. It doesnt go straight back to the start, does it? Clearly say this be even more poignant, tony like nothing about daniel sloss works on the Mentorship because nobody has no, sloss jigsaw transcript lawrence representing, the adrenalin that. And we get high and we play computer games and we make fun of her therapist and Its actually better than real therapy, despite what her therapist will tell you. Im not hereto break up true love. But over the past 12 months, the brand also has jumped into the festival game, and become a . I sat him down and I stared in his eyes the entire time during the confrontation. Somebody gave me a joint, and I went home for a wank. Oh, how can you tell? Because your nose still smells like your nose. Now Oh, youve seen it? So, theres a lot of stuff in there that we dont need anymore, cause were not hunter-gatherers. Thats an awful way to live your life. Whereas if you love yourself 100%, a person that falls in love with you has to go above and beyond the call of duty to make you feel special. It is about crap, but its worth it in the end, because its us together now. Shes so fun. And theyll be like, I do like kids and Im not a pedophile. Thats very well observed. Interesting. Theres nothing wrong with taking time for yourself to work out who you are before you go out there into the dating world, because how can you offer who youare if you dont know who you are? They never hear whats going on in myhead, and those are two hugely differentthings, by the way. But the two red dots, these are Jackson. First became aware of it when my friend, she said to me, she was like, You know, youre quite bad with your emotions. And I was like, No, Im not. At one point we were making love. Im very mature. But if youve got no kids and you love kids, some people find it weird. I know Im not ready to be a dad. You dont get to suck a dick and go number one, you sociopath. Except I didnt say that, did I? I was talking to one of my boys, one of my WhatsApp boys, one of my boys, right? We can buy you a new one, use that one to break the fall, save the ice cream. Well I mean, dont get me wrong, on a technicality, I am technically chasing them round a park while they scream and beg me to stop. What, what the fuck? And my dad loves his kids, so he wants to explain to his son in a way that hell understand, but unfortunately, his sons a fuckhead. Most of us have had sex. The book is a transgressive and hilarious deep dive in to Daniel's favorite subject: relationships. (0) It was one of, you know, toxic masculinity, one of violence. And I ran up to her and I was like, what do you think? It wasnt until I then went out into thereal world with it that I find out that my parents are fucked up people. You have to learn to love yourself before you can allow someone else to do it as well. To any people watching at home, cause thats just been on a live tour. Okay. Oh, couldnt paint for shit. Being good on the inside counts for absolutely fuck all. This act that she acted out in public who everyone fell in love with, my friends fell in love with, my family fell in love with, who I fell in love with. There is There is a subtle difference between Im gonna get you : and Im gonna get you! Kids are intuitive and they can tell the difference. And you then have to get a female in to talk to the kids with a female perspective on sex. This is where the clitoris is. For three months. Lets follow the train of logic, shall we? I have tried getting my guy friends to come to the toilet with me. Then she gets so excited that she shits herself. And youll be like, Fuck, Sloss was right. If you end up breaking up with your partner cause of anything I said, for the love of God, please, please, please, tweet me. Now dont get me wrong, the slutty wayis fucking fun. Like, to the men in the room, if youre anything like me and youre struggling with your emotions I do recommend you get in touch with them. I dont trust people that deny adamantly, like, No! And he was like, Oh, man, it was the best sex ever. I was like, it wasnt, but okay. Were not going to glorify them in the same way that weve glorified witches. Do you wanna hold it? I couldnt do it. Thats her decision. Like, its fucking incredible! People take jokes literally. One day your partner will be all nice. Like, Ill eventually turn around and be like, Oh there you are! And shes like, How did you? You were fucking there! Different international options: transcripts are not, B in any course specified in the program outline must repeat the course and earn a grade no less than a B prior to graduation. I dont want her growing up knowing shes a moron. She does have an older sister. Vegans, you should be on this. And it is never not funny. Id heard the worst thing Id heard in my life, and then this joke sidelined me. You want me to what? Thats it. And the whole time it was happening, Id be like, Yeah, this is fair. But thats the thing about art. Improvisational wits with someone who have chosen Dad. Weve lived together for five. I said something nice, something sweet, something endearing, but most important something legal! Never, never to people. Yeah! They were just a toasty little marshmallow, werent they? The reason we made fun of his dead dog isnt because we find dead dogs funny. Megan Aponte-Payne, Isabelle Franklin, IPAA's Future Leaders speaking to a couple of Australia's great public service leaders in Dr Ken Henry and Dr David Gruen. Of course I do, like, you always want the new thing you create to be better than the old version of it. If indeed you can. Short of their twenties trying to you trying to live. There are so many valid reasons for why the world should go vegan, arguments thatIve got no reply to. Its not even a conscious thing. For the first time in my life, I was fucking sad. And he was straight in. They reacted with the same level of maturity that I did. You know the rules., Its clich to say, women, youre better with your emotions, but generally you sort of tend to be. Those are the ones that leave Theres a-snake- in-my-boot string. And in that moment, you have a very, very difficult question to ask yourself. No, its not for me. Scientifically, it is. And he was like, Mr. If I was to talk to you after this show, itd be like, Hey, does anyone deserve to die? Youd be like, Daniel! One of my friends she said to me, she was like, Do you know that youre a toxic man? And I was like, hmm, doesnt sound like me, you dumb bitch. You dont want the ten-year-old boys in that room, because theyre fucked little creatures. Every single one of you, it adds a bit to the happiness. The amount of landmass that ittakes to raise cattle is astronomical, right? So I thought Id ask my dad cause he can fix a computer, so he must know.
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